on the edge of the diving board

My mom said after i was engaged for a few weeks and already had chosen my dress, the venue for the event, the number of people, the style, etc. that I had finally dived off the diving board. I had been waiting for him to ask, then again, I had been waiting for my someone to ask, for years. Perhaps a decade of standing, chilly in my bathing suit, waiting for him to come, has led me to this moment. This weekend he was housesitting, and I was not permitted to stay over with him. This came as such a shock as standing in my swimsuit, arms wrapped around me, trying to keep myself warm...again. After 15 months now with his warm arms around me, taking care of me, protecting and comforting me, I don't want to go back there. I don't want to go back to watching online tv in my bed until I can't keep my eyes open. I don't want to go back to eating cereal for dinner by myself while reading Time magazine. I know at one time I liked this time alone, and I look ahead, knowing that there will be a day when I will long for the quiet, the shows I want to watch, the book I have been meaning to read. But that day is not today. He is leaving for 10 days to go back home, and it is a dark cloud looming over me. I don't like it. I don't want to feel that chill of loneliness again.